Things We Break

How do you express yourself when somehow you feel as if you’re alone? How do you move on when you don’t even know how everything fell apart? How do you wipe your tears when you can’t even shed a single one?

She was looking out on the ledge as she watched those teenagers play their sports. She was young once.

But not young anymore, not young enough to be allowed to commit to such mistakes.

She should’ve learned, right? But she never did.

She tied her hair in a loose bun as she studied her finger nails under the bright treacherous sun. She felt the light breeze hugged her form. She wished she learned.

She heard precise and heavy steps but she did not turn her head to the rude perpetrator that has chosen to disturb her solemnity, her own reflection. She rarely does this. For sometimes she just doesn’t think at all.

For when she thinks, she thinks of him. And that’s too much of a burden.

Then the foot steps stopped and she heard nothing more. But she felt that eerie feeling of having another presence in the room that her body is quite familiar with. She chose to not look. She chose to not walk away. She chose to stay.

Then she heard the gush of water from a certain distance from the nearby fountain and somehow without even noticing it, she dug her nails into her palm, out of agitation maybe? She asked him to go away. For the nth time he didn’t listen.

She closed her eyes as she bowed down and waited until he leaves. She knew his presence quite well. She knew it was him. But the mere seconds seemed to take much longer in her mind.

Then, he just had to break the comforting yet distressing silence. He knew that they can never go back to being ‘normal.’ But he just ‘needed’ to freaking try. Out of guilt possibly? For breaking her.

Breaking? Her life wasn’t a soap opera. But he turned it to one, the cliché of falling in love.

“Good day isn’t it?” His voice was familiar, too cruelly familiar. It was neither soothing, nor velvety. It was neither deep nor high pitched. It was just a voice. Yet a voice she grew liking.

She didn’t say anything, she just bit her lip and dug deeper. Maybe if one focused on physical pain, one will not feel the torment of such sorrow.

She heard him sigh and the water continued to gush so slowly, so excruciatingly dawdling.

“I – I saw what you posted in your Facebook account.” He was stuttering. For somehow, he doesn’t know what to say.

What do you say to the girl you left for another? What do you say to the girl who have faith in you and loved you? I’m sorry? It’s not enough.

“Was it about me?” He sounded weak and hopeful. She didn’t flinch; she just tried her best to ignore him. It’s funny how technology can bite you in the ass.

And the air was filled with such tension as the water continued to flow. How gradual the water fell into his cup.

“Not everything is about you.” Her voice was quite strange for it wasn’t direct and succinct as before. Yet it seemed softer. And he wondered if this was the same girl he left.

“But what if, what if it’s about you?” Somehow he felt a strong pang to his chest and a kick to his gut. The water continued to follow, drip by drip falling into his cup. He needed her to say it again. For maybe the sound of the water falling has caused him to imagine an illusion to be true.

She wished those words never escaped her lips, for saying it out loud somehow makes it true. She never learned. She wished she had.

“Then, I...” His jaw twitched. He doesn’t know what to say. But he knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to hug her and make all the pain go away.

“You what?” She’s just whispering now. This it their secret. And she can’t let anybody know about it, know about how easily her knees can give away when they first kissed.

“Then, I, I would’ve been a man.” He reached for his dark brown hair and combed it out of distress. His lips seemed to want to talk but no words were coming out. He had never seen her like this.

He held the cards now and she has nothing more to give.

Her nails dug deeper into her flesh as she looked away. Why just now?

“And what would a man would have done?” She asked like a child would. She wondered what if he didn’t leave her.

She heard his cup fell and the water spilled all over the floor. Again, she did not flinch even if she felt the floor turning slippery. She easily didn’t care.

“A man would’ve picked up the broken pieces and fixed it.” He bent down as he picked each broken fragment of his cup. If only he can do that with her heart.

She felt him moved behind her yet she didn’t bother to look at him, look at him bent on the floor. What a sight to behold, she can easily imagine it as his downfall.

“But what if, he’s too late?” Then her nails drew blood, being buried too deep to her raw flesh. She lost control and she has to admit that.

She turned around and bent on her knees to help him pick up the shattered pieces, ever careful not to bump into him. Her pants were soaked from the water but she can effortlessly ignore such material things. Because it’s about him. It has always been about him.

She extended her hand to him where the pieces lay and waited for him to take them all. His hand brushed hers and she wondered when her feelings for him will go away. And then he answered. He had always surprised her.

“Then it was his fucking fault and he blames himself for it.” And he placed his hand on top of hers and let it lingered. He just wanted to say, he also haven’t figured out how to let her go too.

He heard her gasped and he wondered when his feelings for her will go away. He still cared about her. He took the pieces from her hands and watched her pull away.

When did their relationship become so complicated? It used to be easy. Love was supposed to be easy.

And then she stood and brushed the invisible creases on her clothes and walked away. She thought she’ll stay. But she simply can’t.

“I’ll ask you to stay but then I wondered if you will.” He said as he stood up and place what was left of his cup on the ledge.

Five steps.

It took five steps for him to ask her to stay.

She have walked five steps away from him before he asked her to stay.

Five words.

It took five words for her to fall apart.

He said five words to her for her to fall apart.

‘We can’t be together anymore.’ He has said that to her and it cut deep. The wound was so deep that it has not even started to heal. It just grew deeper and more painful. And she took all the pain.

“Will you?” He bowed his head, his hair falling over his eyes. Then he heard her footsteps and saw her shoes on the floor where his eyes were fixed.

He looked up and saw her face. She looked so weak. It was the first time he saw her ‘this’ vulnerable.

“I would have asked you to stay but I wondered if you will.” She whispered to him. She looked away as she felt her emotions eat her whole.

She used his words to express how she fought the urge to ask him to stay with her and be with her. And she knew he understood. She took deep breaths to contain herself.

“I would have stayed.” He said with such sincerity as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers and held her in his arms and just let her fall apart.

He’ll be there to catch her and mend her just like what he promised a few years ago.

She pressed her face to the crook of his neck and then she cried her heart out as she pounded her fist to his chest and gripped his shirt tightly. And she can feel his hand gently caressing her back to soothe her.

He heard her sob so helplessly. He wondered why he left her in the first place.

He can feel her nose pressed on his neck and her tears cover his flesh and he closed his eyes and imagined it wasn’t his fault that she cried. He left butterfly kisses on her hair, if he can just easily take away all the pain.

But he has no power over emotions, feelings, affections, passions. He has no power over those things. But he knew the cause of her pain. It was him. And the longer he stayed the weaker she will be.

But then she whispered between sobs, “What took you so long?” Her tight grip turned into a soft touch. Maybe he was too much of a fool before.

Yet she continued to cry and he felt her eyelashes tickling his neck, tickling his insides as she clung to him and depended on him. He felt guilty. And as soon as she shook in his arms in utter pain, the guilt started to consume him.

“It took me long enough, to understand how much I’ve hurt you.” He pressed his hand at the small of her back as he closed his eyes as he felt her heart beat next to his.

But good things must come to an end. He felt her slightly push him and looked away. “I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.” She quickly said, as she wiped what was left of the tears and entered the comfort room nearby.

He doesn’t understand the sudden change of attitude. Until he heard another man’s voice and it made sense.

“Dexter, welcome back.” He said to the man who’s timing was so impeccable, he would have applauded for his return.

The intruder walked towards him with a knowing glint in his eyes. “It’s good to be back. I mean, I would have never missed this day, Tony.” And the intruder’s eyed the broken pieces of the cup on the ledge, on the wet floor and finally on the door where she just went into.

“Stay away from her. You know better.” Dexter said as he nonchalantly walked towards the fountain and filled his thirst.

He just looked at this ‘invader,’ drinking so languidly. He felt his fists clenched uncontrollably at his sides.

The interloper wiped his lips and said to him, “You had your chance. I deserve mine.” Then he nodded to him and all he can feel was anger and guilt and hate and jealousy as his friend waited outside of the comfort room and leaned against the wall.

Dexter was looking at him as if daring him to stay. But he promised her once, he’ll mend her and that’s one promise he’ll keep. But then, what James said was true, he knew better and he had his chance. The longer he stayed the weaker she will be.

And he wanted to remember her as the strong woman she really is. So he walked away…

Again.

She came out of the comfort room, gaze – empty, eyes – dark almost lonely and her smile – there was no smile at all. She looked at the hallway there was no presence of him, no Tony, non, nada, nothing. But then she was greeted by a warm smile, a warm hug and warm kiss on her cheek.

“Katherine, I missed you.” Dexter said as he continued to hug her, not letting go. She almost wished, it was Tony, almost.

But Dexter was not Tony, not him.

“Am I supposed to say I missed you too?” She asked him as he let go of her. And besides, they always have their witty banter.

“Well, that’s the polite thing to do, right? The two of them walked along the hallway. But she missed him because he cared. Dexter went away because of her. If only, she could have insisted to her heart that some risks are not worth taking for.

She stayed silent as they continued to walk. He nudged her as his laughter filled the air. “Or have you lost your manners when I was away?” He nudged her again but this time he let his hand brushed against hers.

She stopped and when he noticed, he stopped too. She looked at him. “What if I did?” With one eyebrow raised, she challenged him. He never backed down.

“I would pull you closer to me and teach you myself.” He was looking into her eyes as if she was the only one in the world that matters. “But I must tell you, I’m very thorough.” He smirked at her as he lightly pulled her to start walking once more.

“I would have asked you how thorough but I guess I wouldn’t like your answer.” She smirked back at him as she fastened her pace and swayed her hips naturally. When she’s with Dexter they always play a chasing game. And naturally, she was being chased after.

He stood there dumbfounded. He has only been with in her in less than ten minutes and he can’t help but fell in love with her all over again after she chose to break his heart. He shook his head and smiled as he watched her form strutted down the hallway.

He followed her. He won’t let her go, not this time – and maybe, just maybe, not ever.

“If you walked a little ‘more’ faster than you are now, I’d say you want me to chase you.” He called to her as he walked swiftly to reach her. He took large steps in order to catch up with her.

As soon as she heard what he just said, she stopped in her tracks and turned her back to look at him. He certainly has changed. And right now, she can see him walking quickly towards her almost like breeze walking. She can’t help but smile and laugh. Dexter has always been the kind of guy who’ll make you feel you’re the only thing in this world that is of great importance.

Tony was that kind of guy too – was. She wasn’t certain he still is after all that has happened between them.

“Will you?” Again, she raised her eyebrow as she crossed her arms across her chest and waited for him to reach her.

He smiled at her as he mirrored her actions. He crossed his arms across his chest and regulated his fast rate and when he was just five steps away from her, he dropped his hands to his sides and placed them inside his pockets.

“If you ask me to or even if you don’t, I will.” She felt he was void of arrogance or self-satisfaction. It was more.

“If you’re trying to flatter me so that I would be nice to you, it’s not working.” She smirked as she turned her back once more and walked away.

Soon enough, he’ll follow for he wanted her that much. When she was with Tony, she was the one who followed him, who chased to after him. And sometimes a girl just wants to feel wanted and needed and yearned after. And maybe Dexter can give her that. She deserved it.

“Are you sure it’s not working?” He shouted at her as he stood there watching her every move. She was perfect. She was lovely. Why can’t some see it? He can.

She doesn’t stopped walking as she smiled to herself. She raised her hand up and signaled him a ‘thumbs up.’ Yes, she was sure although, his comments made her smile. Yes, he can make her smile too.

Two hours later, Dexter was watching her alone and restless. He missed her. He really did. She was more beautiful now than she was before. Yet her beauty was not the one that attracted him to her. It’s her intelligence, her unique charm and charisma, her sharp tongue and her dark eyes that seemed so enigmatic.

He changed for her, to be a better man, to be a real man and he was doing that by fighting for her.

“Hey.” He reached for her shoulder and waited for her smile. She didn’t disappoint. She is so lovely when she smiles.

“Hey.” She said back with a smile. “If you’re here to pester me, it’s not really working. I’m already immune to all your tactics, Dexter.” She was laughing as she said that. He took a seat next to her as they watch the field of green with all the people playing.

He was young once too. When he was young, he used to play games. But now, he was just one player in this paradox called love.

“Define immune.” He mused as he rubbed his forefinger and thumb at his chin like a curious child.

“Exempted, excepted, not liable…” She was waiting for him to stop her but he didn’t. He was just smiling, clearly entertained at her knowledge of the word. “… absolved, excused…” She raised her eyebrow as he shifted in his seat and seated at it with his legs on top of the chair crossed to one another, ‘Indian style.’ “… insusceptible. Tell me when to stop.” She smiled as he crossed his arms like a petulant child. “… invulnerable, safe…”

“You can stop now, Miss-smarty-pants. Are you sure you are, ‘immune?” He used his index fingers and middle fingers and he air quoted the word ‘immune.’ “I mean you are playing along with one of my tactics right now.” He smiled as he lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes as she tried to hide her smile. “I’m just sharing knowledge to the less fortunate ones.” She leaned in to her seat as she crossed her legs which were not left unnoticed by dear old, Dexter.

“By less fortunate, is that me?” He looked at her as he bashed his eyelashes towards her. She just looked so adorable when she was being teased.

“No shit, Sherlock.” She acted surprise and close her agape mouth in mockery. Once more as she can’t help but smile as he continued to bash his eyelashes like a little girl. “And stop that, you’re like a little girl… or are you one?” She began, to tap her finger tips on her lap and again such little things she does was seen by him.

“Little girl?” His eyebrows furrowed as he acted like ‘The Hulk’ and showed her his biceps and triceps with poses to boot.

She laughed and nodded. “Yes, like a little girl.” She placed a stray lock of her behind her ears as she closed her eyes for awhile and leaned into the chair.

“Are you sleepy?” He asked as he watched how her eyelashes fell on her smooth cheeks and how her cheekbones were so regal and distinct and her lips; quite pale and thin yet it fit her so beautifully.

“Not really. I’m just tired I guess.” She whispered as she opened her eyes once more.

“You should smile more often. You look lovely when you do.” He said as he looked into her eyes. He’s not holding back now. He was willing taking all risks just to express how much he feels about her.

“What have you eaten and you became so cheesy and corny?” She asked him curiously as her lips curved into a smile.

“Cheesecake and corn shake?” He raised his eyebrows in a repetitive action as he smiled smugly.

She leaned into him and whispered to his ear. “Your taste is so impeccable.”

He leaned into her and whispered back. “I do try.”

And the two of them erupted into laughter. He can make her smile, he can make her laugh. But Tony can do that too. But Tony made her cry, but Tony made her broken. But Dexter was no Tony. And Tony was not Dexter.

But then by the end of the day when she went home, went to bed, she dreamt of him. Not Dexter. Him. Tony.

She dreamt of a familiar memory. It was the two of them playing Basketball.

They were running around the court, just him and her. The score was tie and the time was running out. She got the ball and run as she dribbled to shoot it at her side of the ring when he caught up with her. He was blocking her as she dribbled and got ready to shoot when he puckered his lips and whispered to get her attention. “Can I have a kiss?” He was smirking.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to understand what he just said and as she did so, he took the ball from her and shot it himself. The time run out and he won by one point. She scoffed as he bowed to her like a performance has just been done. She was so pissed that he just cheated.

“You’re such a cheater. It’s like you’re giving me crap.” She bit at him as she turned around and walked away from him.

He walked towards her. “It’s just a game, Kathy.” He was laughing as he followed her on the court. “And ‘bestie,’ I’m not giving you crap. I just gave you an overwhelming performance.”

She scoffed once more and shouted at him without looking at his him. “Don’t ‘bestie’ me, cheater.”

“How about ‘baby,’ baby?” He smirked as he heard her hissed at him.

“Sometimes you’re such an ass. I can’t believe I’m friends with you.” She continued to walk as she shouted to him her reply.

“Na-uh. You’re not friends with me. You’re ‘best friends’ with me. And you take my crap, no matter how shitty I am.” He said confidently as he walked behind her. He heard nothing but a string of curses directed at him. Along with the lines, “Bastard.”

He just laughed. “So, you like ‘baby’?” He asked with voice so hopeful.

“Not talking to you.” She said in a sing-song tone as she rolled her eyes.

“Yes you are talking to me.” He replied in a sing-song tone also. “Baby.”

“Ugh. I’m leaving.” She said as she stomped out of the court. But her gait was halted when she heart him grunted and groaned.

When she turned her back, the next thing she saw was him on the floor holding his ankle as he shouted in what she can see as pain.

She rushed immediately to him and touched his ankle. “Are you alright, what happened?” She asked with concern etched in her voice.

“Yes, Kathy, I feel great. Oh, I just lied on the floor screaming ‘cause I think it’s fun.” He said sarcastically as he shouted in pain once more.

“Ugh, bastard, bastard, bastard.” She screamed at him, each time she screeched the word, ‘bastard,’ she hit him in the arm as hard as she can.

“Ouch, love me much?” He shouted at her as he clutched his ankle and groaned in anguish.

“You’re the one half prostrated on the floor and you’re being a huge ass.” She scolded at him as she hit his arm once more.

“Are you just going to hit me or help me? I know you like to play rough, Kathy. But I never knew ‘this’ rough.” He smirked as he groaned at unbearable state of his ankle.

She bit her lower lip as she squeezed his right arm and dug her nails. “Jerk.”

“Come on, bestie. Just bitch on me later, I’m injured here.” He groaned at the piercing pain as he tried his best to use the puppy dog eyes strategy.

She scoffed at him and laughed at his version of puppy dog eyes.

“What?” He asked. “Do you want me to call you, ‘baby?’ All you have to do is ask.” He smirked as he tried his best to defend himself from her hitting his arms.

Then she stopped hitting him and crossed her arms against her chest and smirked herself. “You know what, I can just leave you there, if I want to.”

Then she saw his face tensed up. “Please, help me, bestie.” He was biting his lower lip as groaned in pain.

She stood up and extended her hands to him. “The things I’ll do for you.” She said as she rolled her eyes. “But until we get to the clinic, you shut up.”

“I’ll be a good boy.” He smirked.

“You sure don’t look like one.” She pulled him up as they both struggled for their balance.

He placed his arm around her shoulders as they walked out of the court.

“You know about you liking rough. We can do it later when I’m all bandaged up.” He whispered lowly to her ear. He just loved teasing her.

“Shut up or I’ll cut your balls, Tony.” She said in an agitated tone.

Tony, placed his fingers to his mouth and imaginarily zipped his mouth like a zipper, locked it and threw the key in the air.

“Better.” She said, as she held his waist and as he clutch on her shoulders and they walked towards the clinic.

The silence was broken when Tony started to hum a tune which sounded familiar to her.

“Are you humming an elevator tune?” She asked him in

He smiled as he continued to hum the tune. And as the minutes ticked by the tune started to sound annoying.

“Will you stop humming, if I allowed you to speak?” She asked completely annoyed.

He smirked as he nodded.

“Go, speak.” She said in frustration. She rather hear his innuendoes than hear the elevator tune again and again, almost endlessly.

“God, how I missed my voice. Didn’t you miss it? Do you think the girls will appreciate my sports-related-injury?” He asked curiously.

“You are such an ego-maniac.” She rolled her eyes.

“An ego-maniac you care about.” He said smugly.

She looked at him and they just looked at each other’s eyes when once again, Tony tripped and he brought her to the ground. They fell on the field with the two of them clutching each other’s arms.

They’re just staring at each other’s face, eyes, nose and lips. He was lying on the ground while she was on top of him.

And that’s when she woke up and the dream ended. She knew what happened after they stared at each other’s eyes. She thanked her subconscious for stopping her dream from reminding her of what happened after falling to him and after falling for him.

The sound of her ringing doorbell woke her up to her senses. Looking at the watch on her bedside table, she realized that it was just past midnight. The ringing didn’t stop. And she wondered who it could possibly be. Her chest was still heaving for the dream has left her breathless.

For the fact that her memories with him never disappeared scared her, for she have always thought that soon enough he will forget him. But so far, he has always been at the back of her mind, haunting every fiber of her being.

She wore her silk robe over her night gown that just rested delicately at her knees and wore her slippers as she stepped down the stairs. By the time, she reached the first floor, she heard pounding no the door.

Ever careful, she looked into the peephole and saw a drenched-looking Tony. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips were parted as if he was having difficulty breathing. His face was flushed and his hair disheveled. His shirt rumpled and his pants creased.

She opened the door only to watch him fall to her for it seemed that he was leaning over the wooden thing for support all along. It was at his fall that lead her to carry half his weight as she placed his arm around her neck. She can barely make out the slurred words coming from his pursed lips.

“Katherine.” He whispered as he clutched her forearm.

She can’t look at his face for she was too scared to see his drunken state so she just looked down at the floor. He was dragging his feet on the floor and there he saw that he wore each shoe on the wrong foot. She can’t help but be amused. But each shoe was tied with a perfect knot.

“Katherine, I… I’m sorry.” His right hand dropped from clutching her arm down to holding her right waist.

She does not speak for she does not know what to say to a man who chose to lose all his logic and lucidity for a night.

She stared at his face closely and watched how his lips trembled when he spoke of her name. But then, she saw how suddenly his body started to shiver along with his lips.

“Will y-y-you f-forgive m-me?” He was struggling to speak fluently but then he failed. “I’m f-f-fucking wry-wrong, Kathy. I m-m-messed up. I h-hurt you. And l-left you. I’m a f-f-fucking b-bastard.” He was babbling as his hands flew on the air making hand gestured. After, his poor excuse for asking forgiveness, he laid his head on the sofa and banged his head as he crossed his arms and stroke his arms. Then, he rubbed his palms to one another and pressed each palm to each of his cheeks.

She reached for his forehead and felt the heat emanating from his forehead. She withdrew her hand and went to the bathroom to get a bucket of water, fresh cloths, a blanket and a towel for him.

When she returned, he was shivering frenziedly as his whole body burned up. “Heeey, d-do y-you h-hate me? ‘Cause I h-hate myself, Kathy.” He whispered as his bit his lip to stop it from trembling.

He looked like a child lost and alone. She wanted to take care of him, needed to make sure he was fine.

She daintily unbuttoned his shirt and flinched at how warm his body is. The bronze hue of his bare torso contrasted greatly to her pale hand and she can’t help but let her fingers stroke his toned chest.

She took the cloth lying beside her and placed it in the bucket and squeezed it afterwards to rid the excess water. She placed the cloth on his forehead. She took another cloth and did the same one with the first, after squeezing the excess water; she began to stroke his scorching body as she watched every contour of his face.

He opened his eyes and saw her form taking care of him. He can’t help but smile. “I-I m-miss y-you.” He whispered as he reached for her hand and placed it on top of his heart. He felt his heart beat even if her hand was between his hand and chest. So he knew she felt his heart beat too.

He felt a sudden throbbing in his head like a hammer was pounding at this skull until it cut open into two. He closed his eyes as he let his fingers grasped harder to the hold of her hand as he pressed her palm next to his heart.

She felt the beating of his heart, the moment when he said ‘I miss you,’ of how the beating of his heart was fast and hard and how it stabilized the moment he closed his eyes. She missed him too. If only he knew, how fast her heart beat when she was close to him.

She pulled her hand away from his hold and moved his body on the sofa so that he was lying on his back with pillows around his form. She placed a blanket over his body as she checked his temperature once more, happy to see that it dropped to normal.

She went upstairs to get a blanket and a pillow for herself. She can’t leave him alone. She needed to make sure that he’ll be fine. The moment she reached her room, she saw her phone vibrating. She received a text and opened it without looking who the sender was. She climbed down the stairs with one hand holding her phone while the other a blanket and a pillow. She sat, next to the sofa where Tony laid. He looked so calm.

She read the text and was surprised to see who the sender was. It was Dexter.

‘Hey, I’m guessing you’re still awake.’

Somehow, she can’t help but smile for she had never thought he knew her so well. She typed quickly on the qwerty phone and sent to him her reply.

‘No. I’m not. In fact, I’m in dreamland right now.’

Within seconds, she received his reply.

‘Am I with you in dreamland? I think I am. :”>’

She sat with her legs lying on one arm of the solo sofa as she placed the pillow behind her as she found a comfortable position.

‘What made you think you are? :-L’

She texted back as she tapped her nails on her thigh waiting for his reply.

‘’Cause even your subconscious mind can’t get enough of me. ;)’

She scoffed as she shook her head with his pompous remark.

‘Oh yeah, ‘cause I kill you off in my dreams. >:)’

She smiled as she clicked ‘Send.’ She was satisfied with her comeback.

‘And give life to me again when you miss me. Come on, Katherine, cut me some slack here. :( :))’

She read his text and found it amusing for maybe Dexter has ran out of witty remarks.

‘What if I don’t want to? :-p’

She bit her lower lip for clearly she was entertained with their banter.

‘Then I guess I’ll have to make you. ;)’

As soon as she read his reply, she can’t help but smirk.

‘Challenge accepted.’

She closed her eyes for awhile and allowed herself to just rest and she did. But then she heard a groan which alerted her senses. She stood up immediately; the plan for any sleep has been forgotten. She dropped her phone on the sofa as she went to his sleeping form.

He was twitching in his sleep and groaning as if he was having a nightmare. She can see his face cringed in what she can observe as pain and she observed of how his fists clenched on the blanket at his sides as he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming.

She can’t look away and she can’t just ignore him when all she saw was pain. She leaned forward to him and shook his shoulders trying to wake him up to his reverie. She lightly slapped his cheeks but when he opened his eyes with the look of fright and sadness, her finger tips involuntarily caressed his cheeks as if to say, ‘It’s going to be okay.’

They stared at each other’s eyes, no one dared to look away. Then somehow, she saw his dark brown eyes glistening with tears yet she knew he’ll hold back. He was clutching at her hips as if to hold on to her. She saw him swallow the lump on his throat as the veins in his neck throbbed.

She can not pinpoint the emotion exposed by his dark orbs. She used to know him so well. But day by day he was turning into this mystery.

He leaned forward to her and pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes as if that action was enough, as if that action was the only action that they can do.

She closed her eyes too as she felt his hands encircled her waist. She traced the square of his jaw, his earlobe, and the end tips of his hair and daintily placed her arms around his neck.

She didn’t know what happened but that was one of the most intimate moments in their lives shared to another person. She felt wetness upon her brow and realized that maybe those were the tears he tried to hold back.

He pulled her towards her into an embrace as he buried his head at the crook of her neck. She held him as she gently stroked his hair and pressed her lips at his head. And he silently sobbed.

“I’m afraid to lose you and leave you.” He whispered as she felt his hands grip her waist tightly. And she thought maybe he was afraid to let her go.

“But I tried.” He confessed as he continued to cry in her arms. He pressed his lips to her neck, at her warm flesh and smelled her scent. He missed the way she smelled. Even the little things matter now. He used to not care to the little things.

He looked up and saw the confusion in her eyes. “And I failed.” He said as he reached for the tendrils of hair that was curtaining her face. He placed the tresses of hair at the back of her ear and closed his eyes once more and pressed his forehead next to hers.

Then they just held each other, ever vulnerable than they can ever be. And involuntarily, his lips met hers; with eyes closed they met once more. It was gentler than their first kiss, her first kiss. It was gentler than their last kiss. It was gentler than the first kiss they had on the ledge. It was much softer.

It was so soft like butterfly kisses so light. He was holding her cheek as his other hand encircled her waist. Her lips were soft and delicate. It reminded him of the taste of fresh grapes and chilled champagne. She was just so fine like a rose.

He felt her teeth grazed his lip, the kiss was gentle but the passion was not any less. Their bodies pressed to one another as their lips met in this rendezvous affair. She opened her lips and let his tongue caressed hers. His moist mouth engulfing hers, his velvety tongue danced with hers.

She let her hands fall down his chest as she traced the smoothness of his skin. She felt the warmth emanating from his body and cold sweat that was starting to form on his brow. Then he lightly pushed her down the couch, with his body above hers, their lips still entwined.

He placed his hands on either side of her and placed all his weight there, not wanting to crush her form. While she placed her hands on his shoulders as she let the tip of her nails drag themselves down his back sending this renewed sensation to his body.

But then when he started to trail kisses down her neck, reality kicked in. This was not how it was supposed to be. She closed her eyes and counted to three.

One.

His kisses were gentle.

Two.

His kisses were lovely.

Three.

His kisses can leave her empty.

She lightly pushed him away, stood up even if her knees were weakened because of his kisses. She looked down as she pressed the creases in her night gown. She closed the bathrobe that has somewhat opened and tied it tightly and with calculated voice she spoke. “Good night.”

It was like she was a robot that had this switch underneath that can easily be turned on or off. But she wasn’t, she was just a good actress, too good that sometimes she believed in her own pretenses.

He doesn’t know what to do. Was he rejected? Was he forgotten? Was he chosen to be ignored?

He watched her form walked away. He used to be the one who does that.

“Katherine.” His voice was husky and deep and tired.

She looked back at him, with glistening brown eyes. He wondered if he was always the one who broke her heart.

But then, the moment after she closed her eyes and opened them again for him to see, he was left with an almost empty gaze and just a questioning bewilderment.

“I…” He tried to say as he stood up from the couch.

She just stared at him with her swollen lips. And that empty gaze has weakened his resolve. Tomorrow is another day.

“I… nothing.” He sighed as turned around and sat on the sofa once more as she walked away from him.

She climbed the stairs with a steady pace and when she reached the top she stopped. She touched her lips. “I…” She whispered but she shook her head. This can’t happen again.

“I… nothing.” She whispered as she entered her room and shut the door behind her.

To say that the morning after was uncomfortable was an understatement. She was thinking of him all night long, even in her dreams he was there.

The idea was he was under her roof, living in her house, breathing in the same place as she. He was half naked in her living room. He was sleeping downstairs. That’s all she can think about.

By the time she was able to sleep, in her dreams he was there. He was the swimming coach in her first dream. He was the driver in the second. He was her dance partner in the third. Even her subconscious mind wanted him.

She shook her head as she buttoned her white long sleeved blouse from bottom to top. She looked at herself in the mirror as she combed one last time her long ebony tresses for the morning. She wore her shoes as she breathed in then out. She was trying to calm her nerves. And when she thought she was ready, she went downstairs to talk to him.

The moment she went downstairs, she saw him just coming out from the bathroom near the laundry room. One white towel around his waist and the other placed on his shoulder. Her mouth was left agape for it was one thing to be half naked and it’s another with just one piece of clothing before one goes commando.

She blinked twice before she rationalized things without him noticing her presence.

She cleared her throat and that was what got her his attention. He was surprised to see her but then he did nothing to cover any expanse of skin for he doesn’t mind.

“Good morning, Katherine.” He smiled at her as he looked at her form clad in slacks and a white top. “You look lovely.” If anything, she just looked simply beautiful with a hint of elegance and an aura of being a classical beauty.

She nodded her head at him as she slightly fidgeted with her charm bracelet. “Feel free to use the laundry room if you want to change.”

“Want? So if I don’t want to, I can stay like this?” He smirked at her as he pointed at the white cloth around his pelvis. He asked her with one eyebrow raised.

She tilted her head to the right as she watched his form. “Yes, I kind of prefer that you cover your flesh for it hurts my eyes.” She said at him as she turned around away from his pompousness.

“Are you sure it does? It’s free to look…” She felt heat rising to her cheeks as she shook her head from left to right. “But you can’t touch.” That was the final straw of his self-absorbed ‘loveliness.’

She extended her right hand to the right and lifted her middle finger. And all she heard next was a deep chuckle from him and the shutting of the door.

If she was too dense and too numb, she would have felt as if all the pain of tomorrow was gone and they’re back to being ‘normal.’ But it’s not easy although he tried. He always tries yet he always fails.

The effort was very much appreciated but it’s not easy to go back to the past when no hearts were yet broken.

Thoughts of ‘what if’ and ‘why’ roamed her mind until her doorbell rang and shook her out of her trance; she went to the door as she bit her lower lip. It was one of her mannerisms when she was deep in thought.

The moment she opened the door, she was greeted with a warm smile, a cup of Starbucks coffee and a bag of croissants.

“Good morning, Katherine.” Dexter said as he showed her the treats her bought for their breakfast tryst.

She smiled at him for buying her breakfast and his chosen color for his polo. He was wearing pink and she can’t help but smile.

“You look…” She started to say as she scrutinized him from head to toe. “…gay.” She laughed as she took the coffee from him and let him enter her house as thoughts of another man left her mind.

“I prefer metrosexual.” He said as he went to the counter near the dining room where he placed the croissants. She followed him while holding the cups of coffee.

“Sure.” She said smiling. He turned around to face her, to reach for the cups so that he could place them in the counter while looking at her eyes.

“While you, you look…” He stared at the fullness of her lips and deepness of her gaze. “…comely.” She was beautiful, she really was.

“’Comely,’ you speak like a poet, Dexter.” She muttered as heat rose to her cheeks. She felt flattered especially with the way he looked at her. His gaze has a tinge of admiration with a trace of desire and wonder. She knew he liked her but she doesn’t know to what extent.

“But you look, ‘comely.’ And it’s not me to blame but your genes.” He smiled as he opened the bags of sweet pastry. She went to get some plates and utensils as she rolled her eyes with his argument.

“I’m guessing you blame my parents too.” She said as she sat opposite to him across the counter.

“Oh yes, I blame them for each passing one hell of a chromosome to you.” He said as he drunk from his coffee cup.

She took a bite of her croissant as she watched him gulp his drink.

“So you don’t like my DNA?” She said as she dropped her croissant to the plate and places her elbows on top of the counter while placing her chin on top her palms as she stared at him.

He chuckled at the sight of her. “You look like a petulant child who got a time off.”

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t like my genes, what am I suppose to do?”

“Oh I don’t know. Defend your honor or something?” He smiled as he reached for her croissant but she quickly slapped his hand.

“Oww.” He exclaimed as he patted his hand.

“Don’t you have your own croissant? And by honor you mean, my genes?” She smiled.

“Yeah. Can I have a bite, pretty please?” He gave her a shot of his puppy dog eyes.

“But you’re not pretty?” She said laughing.

“Ouch.” He feigned hurt as he placed a hand on his chest right across his heart. “You know…” He was breathing heavily, to accentuate his performance. “…my left lung has two lobes and ten segments while my right lung has three lobes and ten segments.” He looked down at his croissant as he sighed. “Thus, my left lung is smaller than my right to give space for my heart.” He looked up at her with pouting lips. “Which you just broke.”

She reached for his cheeks with her right hand. “Alright, baby.” She said mockingly as she patted his cheek hard. “You can have a bite of my croissant now.” She laughed at his acting.

He smiled smugly as he took a bite of her croissant and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Tastes good.” He said as he continuously chewed.

They were staring at each others’ eyes, smiling like fools lost in their little world when the door from the laundry room opened and a man came out buttoning his polo.

“Hey, Kathy, about awhile ago. I’m sorry for being cocky.” He said unaware of the other presence in the room. When he looked up at where she was, he saw Dexter.

Oh.

The whole time she was eating with Dexter, laughing, teasing, being with him, she has forgotten the man who has been dressed with nothing but a white towel awhile ago. Somehow she felt a pang of guilt. She bit her lower lip, trying to think of a rational thing to say. She wanted to explain herself to both men. But it’s not as if, she was obliged to do so.

But she felt guilty that Tony saw her with Dexter after a few minutes talking to him. But she felt guilty that Dexter saw Tony in her house as she spent time with him.

There was an awkward silence. But the silence seemed deafening. She swallowed the lump that has formed on her throat as she stared at her finger nails as if they’re the only thing that mattered.

Dexter gripped his fork tightly as he pounded its end continuously to the croissant on his plate. He was looking at Tony directly as he thought of the possible scenarios that might have happened before he came. Did he just sleep over? And if he did, where? Or did something ‘more’ had happened?

Tony tried to brush the creases on his polo as he watched with angered and curious eyes of this newfound being in the room. Just a few minutes ago, he was alone with her, no stranger, no enemy, no antagonist to ruin the play. He was the Romeo to her Juliet. And no one was supposed to ruin that ideal – not even his old friend.

Percy Bysshe Shelley once said, ‘Soul meets soul on lover’s lips.’